farewell

This is gonna be my last post for about a week. Not sure If I've got internet access where I'm going.
My family are off to Queensland (Maloolabar or however its spelt) for my brother Callum's National Cycling Championships. Mum's making me go even though I'm missing more school before exams and its all stressuful (as I went on bout in the last post)
So I'm bringing all my work with me; I've done so much work already in prep for it gosh I'm exhausting myself.
So I'll be back next Wednesday, you all enjoy yourselves for the time being.
Blogging off,
Beth xx

a big fat whinge starting with a rant bout slavery.

Limitations on Slave Narratives due to Race, Representation and Memory...
Historiography of Oral History...
Slavery - the state of one bound in servitude as the property of a slaveholder or household..
Conditions of slave life predetermined by the status of the slave..
Paternalism guiding Southern rationale for slavery...
Plantation owners defined slavery not as an institution of brute force but of a responsible dominion over a less fortunate, less evolved people..
Slaves lives shaped by confluence of material circumstances, geographic location and the financial status and ideological stance of the slaveholder...

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.... an extract from my notes....

Starting study for exams. Argh its so bummy. I feel for anyone who has to do a subject/course by correspondance. Becuase I have missed so much school (6 for being sick, and a furthur 4 coming up this week and next as I am being forced to go to Queensland for my brothers cycling competition) I am finding myself being forced to teach myself huge chunks of the course for various subjects. And its SUCKS. While everyone else gets to spend the time taking notes on the material, I am still learning it! So tonight was History and I've managed to take about 10pages of notes on Slavery (which I personally find a kinda boring topic) and also taught myself a HUGE chunk on Slave Narratives. There is like this huge Internet Database on it my school gave me. Seriously its huge lol. I still have to WATCH Schindler's List then learn how the film is useful as a historical source. And then I have Rwandan Genocide to do (which is quite interesting I am enjoying it)

The worst thing about these exams, are that as opposed to others, we are still learning to exam content right up UNTIL the exam, whereas in all our other exams we spend the lsat 2 weeks revising. If we were to do this, then I wouldnt have to worry bout going to Queensland becuase I wouldnt really be missing anything, just same work I'm getting done while up there. But now I'm missing MORE stuff! Gosh its such a stress.

Good news is I've finished ALL my assessments (minus half of a PD one on Community Service I'm nearly done with) so I can just focus on the exam. Becuase I've been sick everyone has spent that time while I've been bedridden STUDYING! Gosh gosh I feel so unprepared.

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Back to the Narratives...

Well.. I am finally feeling better today! After 15days of terrible sickness. Praise God! :)
So I was all well again for performing in Love Is tonight. Just got home.
Was a fun and exciting and exhilarating night.
Although Sheree didn't turn up and fully let me down which led me to tears like 5mins before the thing started with Ben trying to calm me down before I had to go on. Shame really.
I remembered my moves in "Survivor" and looked angry like I was sposed to.
Strangely I wasn't really that nervous, and there wasn't as big a turn out as i had expected (seeing as I had like all of my friends except one not turn up when they said they would (though Sheree was the biggest let down)
Crap mums home gtg.
Good night overall though.

I feel like crying or screaming or smashing something or something!
Argh.
I'm just so so sick of being sick. And then I start to feel well again and then something else goes wrong.
Please God please please please just make me well again.

Ok I'm scared.
Just then I coughed up some more phlegm and lung stuff and in it there was a bit of blood.
Maybe I'm dying.
Like in Moulin Rouge. Argh.

this is the sickest i've ever been in my life.

Ok I am still really sick. This sucks so so much.
I have now been sick for about 10 days straight. From the 13th-today (22nd)
I was feeling alright on Friday so I went to school (as I had to go to the city to complete a 7.5minute French speaking exam! :O) and then I got the flu from Kiera there.
So I was all flu-y and yuck and then all the coughing brought back my chest infection and now it's just worse because I am coughing up lung fluid and its so yuck.
Kids Club camp was fun except for the fact that I was sick pretty much all Saturday. I loaded up on the drugs and had 2 Paracetamol, 2 Nurofen and 2 Panadol in 6 hours. So then I was alright for our fun mess night. Pete, Mel and I chased a kangaroo. And we threw water balloons at each other and chatted and it was so much fun. I want to personally thank Ash for this change in Pete - its fantabulous! He's turned "soft" and I love it. Lol. He did such things as help me carry my bags up stairs when I was struggling and offering me medicine and stuff n it was so nice.
But then I felt alright on Sunday and then it just escalated and got worse so now here I am now. I went to school for one period to complete my English assessment. it was an oral task and I can hardly speak so it was a challenge but oh well its all done now.

I miss singing. Don't mind bout the speaking thing but I just wanna be able to sing again. I want my voice back! :'(

Prayer from people that this sickness will go away would be greatly appreciated. :)
And thanks to everyone who has already been praying and looking after me these past 2 weeks.
Beth xx

It's my 3rd day off school today. I have an incredible amount of work to do and I'm starting to get stressed.
Yesterday we shot the FINAL EVER SCENE of "Love Is". That last pesky lil scene which we had yet to do. And now the WHOLE FILM is finally done I'm so happy. Although having to run up a hill numerous times really killed my lungs (not to mention my feet; we had to take off my heels becuase I looked stupid attempting to run in them :P)
So now I'm back at home sicky again. Ugh.

I have a French "Excursion" tomorrow. The reason "Excursion" is in inverted commas is that they call it an excursion, but really we are going to the city to go to Alliance Francaise and have a speaking exam. So it's really an evil trick. So seeing as I have been away all week I have had absolutley NO preperation for the exam so I gotta attempt to do it at home today, which is not gonna be fun. Maybe I shouldn't even go tomorrow... hmmm..

But we are leaving for Kids Club Camp tomorrow. Should be fun. Me, Ash and Hayley are looking after the Year4/5 girls. So it'll be all of us in a cabin together, us responsible for all of them.. lol how interesting. Hoping I'm not gonna be sick for that. I also have the role of "Creative Challenge Dude" with Ash and Nat. Lol how intersting.. Seeing as I missed the meeting on Monday cause I was sick I have no idea what that means, but oh well sounds fun. :)

Do you think maybe you can get emotional just becuase you are sick? Becuase yes.. yes. Lol that maybe didn't come out well. Emotional for a not really good reason? But none of that PMS stuff causing it, so thats not an excuse. Could the sickness be causing it? Lol... Hmmm... maybe crying sometimes is just good. A good cry. But I spose crying but being really sad isn't what you'd call a "good cry" Aksbljbgljvljrgtbsdjrkgbenhrte... I'm so confused with myself. Yessum.

I'll leave it at that. :)

ugh.
Turns out I have a viral chest infection and that the lining and walls of my lungs are swollen.
Which is why I have had trouble breathing and really bad chest pains..
And I can't sing at the moment either and it's killing me.. argghh :(

Being sick is yuck. I don't like it.
The only good thing bout it is that you get to miss out on school.
But then you go back and have so much to catch up on.
Aaaargh....

This is such an evoking and broken cry.
I love it.

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

- Macbeth, Act 5, Sc 5, Lns 16-27

See, Shakespeare really is beautiful :)

Yay. Today we started the practices for the live section of "Love Is". We've finished all the filming now (well except one lil scene) and the promo materials all done and its all coming together and its all good and im like yesss... so good to just get it finished.

So today I learnt the dance for Survivor. Its the maddest dance. Sal Reay did the choreo so its really funky. Cause she's funky. :) Nice work Sal. It's to Survivor and its after the Brian thing. I have to like act and randomly join in the dance at spots. Its so much fun.

It feels good to dance again. Really good. :)

(so everyone come and watch the show! It's gonna be awesome!)

I love i love i love i love i love...